Indigo tiger
Blogging about Japan, food, parenthood, music and life!
Is there any point being here unless we are trying to be the best versions of ourselves that we can possibly be?
Although that is a rhetorical question, the answer is pretty complicated for me – and probably for most of us. I have the best intentions. I know exactly what I must do. Why is it so difficult to get on with it? Here’s a simple list. If I crack all these, and find a way of maintaining them, then I’ll be happy – with myself and with my life: 1. Eat healthy, whole and clean. Just stop with the family size packets of crisps, for god’s sake. 2. Exercise every day – crossfit twice a week, bodyweight exercises at home, brisk walks. 3. Start a proper regime of piano practice again. Every day. 4. Be a fabulous, supportive, loving parent to BOTH kids EQUALLY, all the time. 5. Be an inspiring, passionate teacher – keep up to date with educational developments and keep your teaching inventive and challenging. 6. Be kind to yourself, and forgive yourself when you fail – and you WILL fail - no one can possibly achieve everything in the list above, because frankly, it’s ridiculous. Sometimes I do manage most things on the list above – for a few days, or even weeks. But I can’t maintain it. And when I fail at one thing, even if it’s a tiny thing, I throw in the towel and let everything else slide as well. If I can’t drag myself to a 7am crossfit class when I had planned to, why, then I might as well eat a whole pack of butter and lie down on the couch like a hibernating slug for the rest of the day. And after a shameful day of laziness and gluttony, I might as well write off the whole week…and so it continues, until I find myself AGAIN at the bottom of a very familiar pit of self-disgust. It makes no sense – even to me. It’s like stubbing your toe, and thinking, ‘Oh well. I’ve stubbed my toe! I might as well stab myself in the eye, and then set myself on fire while I’m at it.’ I read a quote one day that said, “Don’t aim for perfection. Just aim for a little progress every day.” Yes! I thought. What a great attitude! Thinking about progress is the way forward! I don’t have to be perfect!! This is going to change everything! But there was a problem. I didn’t make progress every day. In fact, some days, I’m sure I took several steps backwards. Time to get out the oversize packet of crisps. What I need is not a pithy, motivating quote – I need to learn how to reset each day. How to wake up with a clean slate. How to move on. How can I be the best ME, when I drag around all the other MEs I have ever been, in a huge suitcase? How I can I make any sort of progress, when my memory latches onto every failure – every inadequacy - and keeps them lovingly in a huge box labelled, ‘Reasons You Will Fail Again’? I need to find a way of being happy in the moment – in the NOW. Academically, I know there are hundreds of reasons I should be happy at any given moment but, somewhere along the line, I have learned to change the goal posts for myself and transform happiness into an impossibly distant prize. Well, I am hoping that what can be learned can also be unlearned. It’s a new day, I’ve made good eating choices so far, and it’s not raining. I might even go for a brisk walk, whilst planning a healthy meal and thinking about an educational activity to do with the children this weekend...
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AuthorI've lived in the UK since I was 3 years old, but my passport is Japanese. Living, working, bringing up a family...and trying to make sense of the particular cards I've been dealt. Archives
May 2017
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